Whether you’re footing the whole bill, pitching in, or just eager to get involved, there’s definitely an art to weighing in on your daughter or son’s wedding without seriously rocking the boat.

So, how do you take part in the planning without causing additional stress and drama for your child and his or her soon-to-be-spouse? Here are eight ways to keep the peace while planning:

Parents Wedding Planning1. Listen. Before you chime in with your own opinion, make sure you’ve really heard your child. Listen to his or her wants, wishes, and expectations for the big day and you’re sure to go into wedding planning with a better understanding of your role.

2. Give your opinion when asked. Don’t feel that you must have an opinion on everything. If you only offer your opinion on the things that are most important to you, they’ll be more meaningful (and well received!).

3. Try not to diss your child’s wishes. It’s important to remember that things have changed since you got married. Try not to ignore or belittle the trends or non-traditional elements your child wants to incorporate in the wedding.

4. Don’t give ultimatums. If you’re helping fund the wedding, don’t give ultimatums for the way your child can spend the money. For example, don’t say that you’re only going to pay for the dress if it’s a certain style, or you’re only going to fund the reception if the ceremony is in your church.

5. Offer to help with the projects you’re really excited about. If a particular aspect of wedding planning is interesting to you, go ahead and offer to help. Your child, daughter-in-law-to-be, or son-in-law-to-be might be very happy to have a helping hand!

6. And don’t blow off the ones you’re not. On the flip side, if your child asks you to help with something you’re less than thrilled with, it’s important that you put your game face on. If you don’t think you’re well suited for the job, at least help find someone else who can assist.

7. Remember that this isn’t your wedding. You can certainly have opinions about the wedding, but when all is said and done, it’s really about your child and his or her spouse. Try not to let your desire to have the perfect day get in the way of your relationship with your son or daughter or his or her big vision.

8. Be supportive. Wedding planning can be tough and your child is going to need all the positivity and support that he or she can get. Give off plenty of good vibes!